When I think about you, I quote myself.

Big Ass Paintings

2010-04-16T21:46:00.004-04:00

My interview with Greg Campbell of Maybe The Welders

2010-02-22T00:13:00.002-05:00

D: When God made you he broke the mold. Why do you think that is?

G: Actually, a lot of people get me confused with Oprah. Personally, I can't see why. By the way, I got you a NEW CAR!

D: How much money would you like to have when you die?

G: As far as actual holdings, I don't have a clear idea, but I would like to be carrying a couple of thousand dollars in small bills so I can throw them in the air at the moment I expire. That way, passers-by will have to scramble over my fresh corpse to satisfy their greed. Hopefully it will lead to some moral reflection.

D: Your 9th grade music teacher, Mrs. Ackerman, said that the only thing uglier than making sausage, or making legislation, was making her listen to you play the recorder. What would you say to her now?

G: Funny, I don't remember you.

D: Are you more likely to get into an argument over obedient rhubarb, love-sick boy scouts, or oblong oven mitts?

G: Love-sick boy scouts. It's a hot-button issue. Also probably a Morrissey subject matter.

D: If you eat nothing but macaroni & cheese for 3 years, your skin will turn orange. Truth or Urban Legend?

G: I don't know about that, but I knew a guy when I was a teenager who was an emancipated minor. Totally lacking in parental supervision, he could do whatever he liked, namely: eating nothing but Dunkin' Donuts. Literally nothing else. After about a month of this, his intestines curled into a tight, little ball, nearly killing him. The surgery scar on his abdomen was impressive. No sign of sprinkles or chocolate frosting on his skin, though.

D: You fit the description of a celebrity stalker. Who are you stalking and why?

G: I'm stalking Kat. I chose her because she lives in my apartment and I'm lazy.

D: When you eat Cheerios, do you push them down to your milk, or do you beat them with a spoon?

G: I don't eat Cheerios. Heart health is for losers.

D: What has Mark Anthony taught you about love?

G: Even if you look like a cave bat, you can score a marginally talented diva with a fine backside. But only after Ben Affleck is done with her. Which is kind of like getting Matt Damon's sloppy thirds.

D: What is the longest you've gone without a shower?

G: Probably about a week when I was in college.

D: Why do you think most girls date you?

G: Statistically speaking, most girls haven't, but I'm game if they are.

D: Why do you like Scotch so much?

G: It's the only thing that takes the edge off of those goddamned vicious Bourbon hangovers.

D: Why do you like Declan so much?

G: Who?

D: Who killed the pork chops? What price bananas?

G: The pork chops were probably done in by some fat, blonde dude with a Mark McGuire goatee in Cincinnati. The bananas are cheaper - and better - in Brazil!

D: Why is Summer hotter than Winter?

G: That is because, in summer, everyone walks around in swimwear. The Earth gets all horny, causing its temperature to rise.

D: Your ass is haunted, true or false?

G: No. I've just been eating a lot of Brussels Sprouts. Thank you. Thank you!

D: What record album would your father most likely break over your head for playing too loud?

G: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. But, Dad, it says, "To be played at maximum volume!".

D: What's a typical conversation you have with the little voice inside your head?

G: You know, what time is practice? Can you bring the tempo down a little? Can you give me a haircut? How's Dane? Oh, wait, that's Pitti.

D: If I gave you a rapacious panjandrum where would you hide it?

G: I would display it proudly.

D: You are eating at a recently opened fashionable restaurant. You are being pestered by a man blinded by greed and hunger. Do you offer him a bite of your bratwurst, or do you administer an elbow thrust to his solar plexus?

G: I'm a very generous person. I would administer two elbow thrusts.

D: When you perform on stage does it help to picture your audience naked?

G: Well, I don't really suffer from stage fright, but I do it anyway. Our audiences are sexy!

D: Let's assume your headstone reads, Here lies Greg Campbell. Pimp-smacking bitches since 1971. What will you take with you to your grave?

G: The secret of how to pimp-slap a bitch significantly prior to one's birth.

People who died

2010-02-15T20:04:00.009-05:00

This is a tribute to a few people who had a large impact on my life.

John was a friend from high school who died in a house fire.

David was a friend who killed himself.

Patrick Kelly was my copywriting teacher at SVA. Soon after he passed away he was elected to the copywriting hall of fame for his commercials for Federal Express and Dunkin Donuts.

My high school art teacher, Mr. Rathbun, died from AIDS.

My brother Drew died when he was 15 from a heart condition.

Dane’s Go-to list of Excuses

2010-01-31T00:39:00.003-05:00

I’m baby-sitting my friend’s bearded dragon and I ran out of Barbasol.

My mother claims to have found a leprechaun. She is keeping him captive in the linen closet, and I have to let him out. I suspect it’s the florist again.

I fell off someone’s shoulders in a chicken fight and broke my neck. I’m seeing Chicken and Stars.

The squirrels in my neighborhood have organized, and they are jumping and scratching at my door, like Force 10 from Navarone, trying to absquatulate with my Indian corn.

Poverty sharpens the eye.

2010-01-10T00:10:00.004-05:00

Drawings of the male nude

2010-01-01T13:56:00.002-05:00

Since this blog is PG, for the most part, I decided not to include a wide selection of drawings I have done recently for my upcoming show at the Leslie Lohman gallery. (Details to follow.) But here is a drawing inspired by Grecian Vases at the Met. Or, to quote the Senator's wife in "the Birdcage":

"Oh, what interesting china. It looks like young men playing leap frog."

Art Smarty says be square and obey the laws of the pack.

2009-12-25T19:06:00.006-05:00

This piece is a revival of the romantic assertion that the artist's soul should be revealed in a work of art. In my next painting I'm going to staple sex toys to the canvas.

Soap Opera Dialogue (It doesn't matter which one.)

2009-12-07T19:06:00.002-05:00

"I was always intimidated by Miguel's culinary talents."

"You didn't read what he wrote in his journal? ...His glamorous Mother is in prison!"

"I find the man interesting."

"Mm-hmm. Instead of Aliens living among us, Victor thinks he may be over-reacting."

"Oh, dear. What Aliens?"

"I'm no counselor, just a guy who loves his brother."

"Meaning?"

"I'll tell the Court you broke probation to take an underage girl on a drunken joyride."

"Don't do that to yourself, you're just upset because there's a page missing from your shakespearean sonnet."

Subway drawings

2009-11-20T23:48:00.004-05:00

I overheard a teenager talking to his Gran about me while I was drawing.

Gran: "He's talented."

Kid: " I'm talented too! Ya wanna see what I can do? I'll drop-kick this guy."

Another Visit with Xuxa

2009-10-05T22:16:00.003-04:00

Our last trip to Brasil included a pop-in on Xuxa. Every square inch of her house is covered in art. And so were we, after modeling her clothes.

Street Art Project

2009-08-17T15:58:00.002-04:00

Since no one wants to buy my art I had the idea of setting up shop at various NYC locations and giving the work to anyone passing by who showed interest. This was before Help me Howard was giving away cash on the street but proved just as difficult. These are pictures of a few people who accepted my lavish donation. Art to the people, y'all!

Personal work... YeeHa!

2009-07-22T23:15:00.002-04:00

These were a few things I drew during my last flying saucer pilgrimage.

Dane's bucket list (If I owned a bucket).

2009-07-09T11:52:00.004-04:00

The Sistine Chapel. Everyone should see it at least once before they meet the Wiz. If only for the fact that if you show up in shorts they will make you buy paper pants. I think they should make all the naked people on the ceiling wear paper pants… “And God named the first man Adam, and gave him paper pants, and he was not ashamed.”

The Berlin Wall. Members of “The Hoff” (the David Hasselhoff Fan Club), meet annually at a remnant of the wall on East 53rd st. in Manhattan, next to Burger Heaven. When not professing their love for Baywatch, conversation gravitates around Cuckoo Clocks, and cleaning, and sausages.

Paris. If you’re going to gain 7 pounds anyway, forget the crepe, apply Nutella directly to your thighs.

LA’s Korean Taco Truck: I asked for “A Dog Bended Like Beckham”. To my chagrin, apparently this is not the universal code for Dogmeat Taco.

When in New York, I recommend that you see my analyst, Dr. Piblokto. I don’t know what I enjoy more, his plastic covered couch, the cream-colored carpeting in the vestibule, or the early-19th century seascape precariously tilted to one side in the patient bathroom. Sometimes I get angry about his ashtrays, but then we talk about it, and my delusions of being possessed by a Windigo subside and we can concentrate on my episodes of frotteurism at whale watching events.

Jonathan Salon in Beverly Hills. Tell him you have a hairy butt and you’d like him to take a little off the bottom.

Dane’s yet unanswered letters to experts in their field.

2009-07-09T11:11:00.000-04:00

A letter to Jack Hanna,
Director, Columbus Zoo and Aquarium

Dear Jack,

I found a teeny lizard in the park and I didn’t know what to feed it. I decided on a regimen of delicate portions of crickets and spiders and progressed to 12 to 18 whole chickens daily. However, now that Hannibal is 15 feet long and weighs 380 pounds, he has become cold, irritable, and doesn’t chew his food. He sure is a funny looking lizard. He has rows of about 70 teeth, armored plate that extends the length of his body, and a pointed snout. The annoying thing is, he has practically taken over the bed, I have scratch marks up and down my back, and my pool table isn’t going to re-felt itself! A friend suggested never going to bed angry, but our relationship is consistently contentious. He’s always snapping at me! Also, should I be concerned that he doesn’t have any lips? What course of action do you recommend, Jack? I am really at my wit’s end. Please help.
Sincerely, Dane
Brooklyn, NY

Poverty sharpens the eye.

2009-06-29T18:33:00.005-04:00

This series is a nod to Risa Mickenberg's Taxi Driver Wisdom. I'm playing with pen and ink for the first time in a long time, so in case you thought you could identify my style out of a line-up, this should keep you guessing. As for my sources, the majority of the quotes are from Merlin, a gifted, but slightly psychotic, homeless man who's sermons were held on the platform of the 53rd street V.

What I was thinking in the last five seconds...

2009-06-17T15:01:00.003-04:00

Is it me, or does electro-shock therapy seem really uncomfortable?

There is a squirrel crossing the power line in front of our house. You couldn't pay me enough zoo dollars to do that. Incidentally, I suspect that the squirrels in my neighborhood have organized. They are routinely jumping and scratching at my door, like Force 10 from Navarone, trying to absquatulate with my Indian Corn.

I'm sick to my stomach from eating the pictures in Gourmet magazine.

I can't wait to go off-roading in my Rascal scooter. I'm going to have it detailed with flames shooting out the back and "Big Foot" spraypainted on the side. I imagine it will be a real hit at Monster Truck shows. Me in my hiphuggers, cataract protectors, and little bell so people move the fuck out of my way.

I found a defective fork in my junk drawer. I feel like a defective fork. There's only room for one defective fork in my apartment. Great, now I have to move.

Pitti's Brasil

2009-06-12T18:44:00.006-04:00

Xuxa de Itatiaia

2009-06-12T17:17:00.004-04:00

We visited the home of an outsider artist in Brasil. She is the patient of a certain psychoanalyst friend of ours. She paints everything she owns... broomsticks, cigarettes, shoes, tree stumps. She gave us outfits to wear, and we climbed trees, and danced to music. Here is the link to a video interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6_0J9QtWCs

Saudades do Brasil (Paintings by Dane, 2005-08)

2009-06-05T13:55:00.003-04:00

More random things about Moi.

2009-06-05T12:29:00.002-04:00

1) I aspire to be a Lieutenant in the Kiss Army.

2) I think it's weird that it's o.k. to walk your dog and carry around a bag of poop. It's not o.k. to just walk around with a bag of poop.

3) If I don't have my sketchbook handy, I scribble daily reminders on the palm of my hand. "Note to self: Plaid should not be worn in the wild."

4) I think it's brilliant that when my friend Colin saw his room-mates sashay around their apartment with towels on their heads, he referred to them as "The Love Taliban."

5) I have serious Levophobia. That Beyonce song, "Everything he owns in a box to the left", scares the beejesus out of me.

6) I have fond memories of riding along in my sister's Gremlin and singing the soundtrack for Grease. "You better shape up, 'cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you."

7) When I first got my learner's permit, I saw the boy's track team running shirtless, and drove my Mom's station wagon over the curb.

8) A very gay Latino boy came up to me at Art School and showed me a drawing of men in compromising positions. "What do you think?" he asked. And I answered, "Well, the proportion of the guy blindfolded and tied to the tree are all wrong."

Trippy Dane Art

2009-05-30T23:34:00.002-04:00

Dane's Fashionista series

2009-05-23T23:25:00.002-04:00

Dane's Review of JJ Abrams Star Trek

2009-05-13T11:19:00.003-04:00

I was pretty pumped when I learned of Star Trek's return to the Big Screen. I called up my friend, Sister Wendy "Our Lady of Oil Paint" and told her, "I know you're saving your money for a prison tattoo, but this is Star Trek we're talking about." Sister Wendy is a huge trekkie. Goes to all the conventions dressed as Picard. Needless to say, we enjoyed it. Here is the upshot of this epic film.

The Enterprise gets swallowed up by a giant vagina, referred to only as "the alien life form", and gets pulled into it by it's tractor beam. Sulu tries to fend it off with Karate, Kirk slaps it around, and Spock tries to understand it. "I sense puzzlement." says Spock. "It wants to know why we haven't returned the friendship message."

My advice is run, don't walk, to see this film. If you must walk, walk in a straight line without moving your arms, and take a deep breath from the heels of your feet. Imagine you're a flower. Now, image you are knitting a sweater for a penguin, or giving a gibbon a massage.

Yes. It's that good.

Gay Greeting Cards

2009-05-11T00:39:00.003-04:00

I am looking to license a line of gay greeting cards. Here are some samples.

Random things about moi.

2009-05-10T16:58:00.003-04:00

1. My knowledge of eastern culture is based on Pier 1 imports. I’m going to use this in a cartoon, so don’t steal it.
2. During the renaissance they thought that your organs moved according to your mood. Personally, I like to wear my heart on my sleeve.
3. I once tried on my Mother's wig and I fell in love with myself.
4. I once said something to my sister that made her so angry she threw a teapot full of boiling water at me. On another occasion my brother threw a wrench. They were very gender specific in their choice of weapons.
5. I hated those kids in class who used to whisper into my ear like a broken record, “Fag! Fag! Hey Fag, you know you’re a Fag! Why are you such a Faggot? All I knew was, being gay was about the worse thing you could be. Why couldn’t I be an axe murderer? Why did I have to be a fag?
6. When I draw I always figure I’ll find homes for my characters later. But I can’t help feeling guilty for having fathered thousands of homeless brain-children. Look at me, I’m Ghengis Kahn!

Captcha Poetry

2009-05-07T15:57:00.005-04:00

Computers don't rhyme, but I think they should. Here is a poem that my computer wrote after several unsuccessful attempts to buy tickets for Keane.

Competing alertist
realized shrines
dilutes dogma
foregoes to
throttle Brooklyn

Republican pipers
never swaggered
dutiful Washington
freely more
expensive pariah

Quesy mostly
antlered public
incestuous violin
revive hideous
Director Cocteau

23 wasted
macho Manhattan
bogie users
honored all
Hades commissions

Pathetic squealers
whelped Brian
inside alfonsos
thaczuk Zebra

Fly On The Wall 4

2009-05-05T23:26:00.001-04:00

Things I hate as a rule:

2009-04-29T17:31:00.002-04:00

1) You go all-out to find someone a meaningful present and they show no appreciation for it whatsoever. Like when I was Rat Girl's Secret Santa and I gave her a Pencil Maze Activity Book and a Wheel of Queso Chihuahua. (I should have kept the cheese for myself... damn whisker-faced ingrate!)

2) People who can't tell the difference between the post-office and a donut shop. While stamps are truly delicious with sprinkles and pink icing, do you really need to see the Gerald R. Ford one again? There's only a line 20 people deep on their lunch hour. Why don't you spend the next half of an hour deliberating over the merits of the duck decoy stamp, you jelly-filled loser!

3) I hate how they don't let you bring Mace to concerts with you anymore. How are you supposed to get Mr. Ward-of-the-State in front of you to stop trying to date-rape his 16 year old girlfriend now that she passed out headfirst into a plate of nachos.

4) Waitresses who don't know the difference between Orange Juice and Orange shoes. The last time I ordered a glass of orange juice the waitress came back with a pair of Converse.

5) Being smothered in Syrup. Say, let's watch Little Women together, shall we?

6) Interview questions I've heard a zillion times before. Question: "If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be? Answer: A dead one... Do I start Monday?

7) The fact that there's a 1-800 number should you need help preparing your Butterball.

8) People who find in necessary to re-fight the civil war. Why?... Why don't they use live ammunition?

Fly On The Wall 3

2009-04-27T15:41:00.002-04:00

If Dane was your psychic medium...

2009-04-26T00:20:00.002-04:00

"I'm crossing over and communicating with a spirit named Sam Wheat. Do you know Sam? He's saying he was your grandmother. He taught you needlepoint. You say you've never done needlepoint? He's saying you did. He has a message for you. He says the scallion cream cheese in purgatory is the stuff of Gods, and he's standing in awe before the selection of hot soup."

2009-04-26T00:13:00.003-04:00

2009-04-21T22:40:00.002-04:00

What are you doing now?

2009-04-21T16:29:00.002-04:00

Status Updates by Dane and 49 friends on Facebook:

Toby is alarmed by his mother's discovery of emoticons. 6:44 a.m.
Kate is making soup with an Amish chicken 7:18 a.m.
Marianne is making a Power Ranger brush his teeth 7:45 a.m.
Deb is basking in the afterglow of a wild night on the couch with a cup of tea and a snoring dog. 8:22 am
Josh is changing a diaper. (no, not his own.) 8:43 a.m.
Suzanne is being coerced into playing mousetrap. 8:49 a.m.
Alli found her nose ring that she lost a month ago in the carpet of her bedroom. Yessssss! 9:25 a.m.
David is dealing with multiple epiphanies about his sexuality. 9:45 a.m.
Alison is working on Sunday. booo. 9:47 a.m.
Julie is putting her oxygen mask on first before attempting to assist others. 9:47 a.m.
DeMane "Mmm-mmm! Who is that?!" -my Mama when she saw Eric Holder our new Attorney General. 10:53 a.m.
Jon just got flipped off by a kid on a school bus. 9:59 a.m.
Fritz is getting rid of a monkey, anyone interested? 10:54 a.m.
Ben is hanging pictures at his mother-in-laws. Say, as long as I've got a hammer, and I'm sure I can find some wooden stakes... 12:02
Mike fell asleep with a canned ham on his chest last night. 12:21
Amy is chomping on a piece of gum... shocker. 12:25
Kj is still high from her lesson in theobroma cacao. 1:05 p.m.
Kevin has a greasemonkey on his back. 1:27 p.m.
Melanie is watching a bunny open an envelope on yahoo & it is not helping her feel any smarter. 1:35 p.m.
Oliver ist ein pickelkopf. 2:12 p.m.
Charlotte is porous with travel fever. 2:36 p.m.
Greg is lost in the hills of Rome. No, literally. We have no idea where we are. 2:44 p.m.
Brian is going to a gallery opening tonight and can't find his beret. 3:53 p.m.
Dane is using a haystack as a metaphor in all his work. Suck it, Monet! 3:58 p.m.
Daniel is trying to decide if he should cut his whole head off, or just the part with the migraine. 4:01 p.m.
Greg is taking a disco nap. Boogie-oogie-oogie. 4:27 p.m.
Bob is carving miniature canoes out of gherkin pickles. 4:30 p.m.
Patrick denies that he is Client #6. 4:43 p.m.
Risa is thinking that she always finds people with U-Hauls endearing. 5:22 p.m.
Sean is trying to convince the hamster in his head to spin the damn wheel. 5:30 p.m.
Ted is pissed he didn't blow all his money on drugs and hookers before losing it in the market. 5:30 p.m.
Tara wants to check the moon for holes and such. 5:39 p.m.
Tom just pulled Sleeping Beauty's head off. It was an accident. 6:00 p.m.
Aimee is going for a fancy night out. Should I wear the shirt with the applesauce stain or the ketchup one? 6:06 p.m.
Kiki has finally got the dried pea out of her ear. It's been there all day. She only put it there this morning to see if it fitted. 6:30 p.m.
Ang does not want to go home, even if it means I have to stay at Miami airport, which kind of smells like puke. 7:28 p.m.
Tom has forgotten your name momentarily and will now address you as "dude". 8:26 p.m.
Paula is happy her satellite dish has thawed out. 8:36 p.m.
Matthew is pretty sure he's made out of Soylent Green. 8:36 p.m.
Bruno says who doesn't like Samba, a good person can't be. 9:21 p.m.
Pitti can't say NO to the fruit PuNCh!!!Damnn youuuuuu! 9:39 p.m.
Greg is tired of serving giant salads to Russians. 9:44 p.m.
Trixie just can't get past mickey rourke's face. 10:54 p.m.
Barry is worried that Delhi Belly has set in. Last night's tacky restaurant was not the best idea. I have a 5-Star stomach. 10:11 p.m.
Pat is trying barbeque chicharones on the dog. He's not biting. 12:45 a.m.
Kat refuses to be "owned" by anyone. Grrrr. 1:07 a.m.
Jeff is hoarding Spam for the coming apocalypse. 1:10 a.m.
Scott is wearing a furry bear suit with the pajama flap up. 1:37 a.m.
Colin grows old and will wear his trousers rolled. He wonders if he dares eat a peach? He will wear green flannel pants and walk across the beach. 2:28 a.m.
Catherine is finally finished with my freelance job and back on "Crackbook." (About an hour ago.)

I like to paint with my feet. Not because I have a disability, it's just that I have incredibly talented metatarsals.

2009-04-20T15:11:00.002-04:00

All of the Above is recent dane art: Poster that I did for Brian Wimer's Zombie movie entitled "Eat Me", T-shirt for Jack Spade, Flyers for my fiance's band, Maybe the Welders.

Things Dane has been deniedby Suze Orman.

2009-04-18T16:55:00.002-04:00

I told my collection of vacuum formed dolls that I wish I owned a disco bag with gorilla fur and a pocket mirror. Jingle boy suggested I just go out and buy one, but then Mr. Goiter suggested I ask Suze Orman if I could afford it. I am hesitant because there are so many things Suze has already denied me. Here is a list just to re-cap.:

Astronaut Pants.
Lunch on Tuesday.
A vowel. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A fleet of trained killer mosquitoes.
375 feet of string cheese.
Indian property.
An anonymous futon.
103 gently used parables.
The Little Explorer Adventure Belt Set.
A portrait of Spock tattooed on my back with the inscription: They like you very much, but they are not the hell your whales.
My entire apartment Vacuum-Sealed. (I'm concerned that my giant inchworm with a saddle on it is just sitting there collecting dust.)
Nervous laughter.
A habitual cough.
The Little House on the Prairie DVD collection.
A diving board surrounded by miniature tubs of margarine to cushion my fall.
Appeased parents.
An intensified obbligato.
His and Her matching omelettes.
An unpredictable suitcase.
Anything behind the door where Carol Merrill is standing.

Detachable Penis (Parents Advisory)

2009-04-14T00:46:00.004-04:00

Many thanks to Fly for introducing me to John H. Hall a couple of years ago. John gave me permission to transform the lyrics of his hit song to the mini-comic realm as part of a project I was doing with MOCCA's DIY Workshop. John is King Missile's Singer/Songwriter and Fly illustrated the album cover for King Missile 3, The Psychopathology of Everyday Life.

Fly on the Wall

2009-04-13T23:47:00.002-04:00

While drawing well-endowed anthropomorphic unicorns in the rumpus room of my 6th floor walk up on 14th street, I remember how Ren and Stimpy occasionally crept into my subconscious, and I'd start ranting at my love quartet of Toaster Strudels, "Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!" Happily, now every time my eye starts blinking involuntarily, I am easily sedated by hitting my scrotum with my fists and humming: "It's Xanadu... The neon lights will shine for you. For you, Xanadu." And then my business partner and imaginary friend, Mr. Lorenzo the Albanian Super, hides Mecamylamine in my baloney sandwich, and everything becomes as right as a gun!

Now, it has come to my attention that some trolls out there are upset with my usage of the words Fluff, Flarf and Floon. While I admit that I have taken liberties with Flarf, I have never Flooned. As for Fluff, well, Fluff pays the rent. That's not mine. I think it's from Double Indemnity. While I'm not entirely aloof to my exposure to cultural vernacular, I'm not always cognizant of the source of a particular gaff either. So. like, if I didn't make something up or lift it from Barbara Stanwyck, chances are I heard it from Sockets, who heard it from Pumkin, who heard it from Horsey, who heard it from Wheelchair Barbie, who heard it from Chuck Norris.

It might interest you to know that the President and CEO of fragrance giant Ebola For Men had this to say about my blog:

While Dane is obviously out to lunch with lunchmeat, you just have to ride the emotional roller coaster with him, and watch out for divergent geese on a collision course with Fabio's Mug.

Let me leave you with this thought. Hitler. Was that guy a dick, or what?

2009-04-13T16:46:00.002-04:00

My art is peppered throughout The Making of Paranoid Park. View clips at www.ecranlarge.com/movie_video-view-8205-960.php

For more work by Felix Andrew see www.felixandrew.net

Paranoid Park

2009-04-11T01:08:00.004-04:00

These are stills from The Making of Paranoid Park, which was Gus Van Sant feature prior to Milk. I created the titles and graphics seen here, with the exception of the movie poster, which was created by someone in-house.

Outer Space, Cats, and Germans

2009-04-11T00:41:00.002-04:00

Q: If you could be a superhero, who would you be and why?

Dane: Thor. Because he got to carry a hammer around all day and break stuff.

Q: What do you consider your biggest fault and how has this fault held you back in your career?

Dane: I like to cut out a picture of the creative director, put it in a little locket, and wear it around my neck as a keepsake. This makes some people feel a tad uncomfortable.

Q: What one thing are you most proud of?

Dane: Drank champagne out of Suzanne Lynch's shoe at a New Year's Eve party.

Q: What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?

Dane: Drank champagne out of Suzanne Lynch's shoe at a New Year's Eve party.

Q: Who's the most infamous person (living or dead) you'd want to have a discussion with?

Dane: The person who's idea it was to place a gold-plated plaque on the space probe Pioneer 10 showing a naked human couple and directions to Earth; (launched in 1973).

Q: What are you passionate about and why?

Dane: I'm passionate about making ten dollars an hour. It will help finance a project of mine that's been 10 years in the making... photographing famous people's used Kleenex.

Q: What is the best thing about living in New York City?

Dane: I like to roam the streets set to a soundtrack of George Gershwin tunes and imagine how everyone would look in black & white.

Q: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Dane: Minnesota. Where else are likenesses carved out of slabs of butter considered high art?

More About Dane

2009-04-09T02:01:00.002-04:00

I had enough of fun with those wacky photoshop filters. Speaking of filters, as a second hand smoker, I was hooked on Kools. My father was a cargo claims inspector and my mother was a banana. My childhood was like a mixed tape you'd find in your sister's glove compartment; on one side, Cream's Wheels of Fire. On the other, The Sea by Rod McKuen. I wasn't always conflicted. When I was seven I wanted to be Shirley Temple. Then there was the time I almost drown in a surf competition. And who can forget the time I got caught smoking? (Jan and Marcia told on me). My singing career performing under the name Johnny Bravo was short-lived. I performed hits like, "Go, you Chicken Fat, Go Away" during Las Vegas Night at the Jewish Center in Little Neck. But when the place was raided by the font police for an unlicensed use of Hebrew Script, I had to take a series of odd jobs to make ends meet. I was a wholesale distributor of brisket, a porcupine whisperer, and I worked full time as a trolley dolly in a United Airlines flight simulator. For a while I had a job distributing Marzipan to school lunches at P.S. 78. Now I moonlight as a bouncer at PTA meetings and bachelorette parties in the Puyallup Washington school district. I'm like "The Dude" in The Big Lebowski, if the dude liked men and wore pant suits like Hillary Clinton. So, now I blog for recreation. I bowl. Drive Around. The Occasional Acid Flashback.

More Groovy Dane Art

2009-04-09T01:27:00.003-04:00

I guess every artist/writer's brain is a blender and you just add the right combination of words and pictures and out comes whatever comes out of it. So, here's some cartoons I've done using my sketchbook as a launching pad for much of this blog's content.